"Have I got a surprise for you!"

As America's worst president flies in to meet Australia's worst Prime Minister for APEC, the latest Newspoll, the first one of Spring, shows the JHP slipping further and further behind. Poor Dennis Shanahan, writing in today's Oz, sounds positively despondent -- or should that be "negatively" despondent. Like so many in the Right Wing Commentariat, Shanahan cannot understand why "an incumbent government during economically successful times" should be facing such "annihilation". For them, it's all business and wealth creation.

But wait. Another article on page one of The Australian is far more pertinent. In Just who has the missing weapons?, John Lyons reminds us that on the eve of APEC there are still nine stolen rocket launchers out there.

The failure to be able to answer that question comes at the end of one of the most extraordinary searches seen in this country - involving, at different times, up to 30 officers from ASIO, the Australian Federal Police and NSW Police.

APEC has always been a deadline to find the weapons - people don't take rocket launchers to hold up the corner store so whoever knows where they are is almost certainly prepared to use them to cause major damage.

The fact that there are nine rocket launchers believed to be in the vicinity of Sydney as a meeting of world leaders begins has meant in recent months this operation has become one of the highest priorities of ASIO.

It is one of the reasons Australian and US security advisers are insistent that protesters will be at least 300m from the President at all times. Theoretically, the launchers can fire from that distance but an amateur would generally be able to fire them only 125m.

The most worrying aspect of the weapons is that they are concealable - when folded, they are about 67cm, which means they can fit into a backpack. They can be painted any colour to blend with carry bags. The M-72 launchers are designed to carry warheads that can cut through metal with a small hole, then explode. The warheads are designed for a "blast effect". They are often used in warfare to attack bunkers, as they cause maximum damage.

The nine rocket launchers were in a batch of 10 allegedly stolen from a private storage facility at Orchard Hills in Sydney's west in 2002. Security agencies believe they were then placed in PVC piping and buried in the national park between Sydney and Wollongong.

Whoa, Nellie! Is this Little Johnny's master rabbit? Has he instructed ASIO to go easy on the search so some obviously left-wing nutter can shoot one off and scare the Cardigans into voting for him again? Never mind that someone might get killed, even boyfriend George. Isn't John Howard's motto "Whatever it takes"?

Ok, so that scenario is totally absurd. The real reason they haven't been found is because of the innate incompetence of intelligent agencies to find or solve anything. The same goes for the police. Just about the only time they catch a crook is when someone tells them where he is or he gives himself up.

Then again, try this. ASIO has long since found the launchers, disarmed them and given them to Muslim-appearing government operatives who will join the protesters. Just before these "enemies of the state" are able to launch them, alert and alarmed and, above all, informed police will pounce. John Howard will step onto the balcony of glory and announce to the nation that only his conservative government is capable of protecting the nation against terrorism. The Cardigans will return to the fold and the next Newspoll will record a massive swing back to the Illiberal Party.

Sound daft? John Howard's form suggests otherwise

-- Bilegrip Admin