Janet Albrechtsen, The Australian's answer to Andrew Bolt, wonders, "Why our leading cartoonists favour a left-wing point of view? Is there no such thing as a conservative Australian humorist?" In conclusion, she offers this summation:

"Left-wing politics is essentially an emotional, instinctive utopian kind of world peopled by romantics and dreamers. Conservatism is, on the other hand, more rational, analytical and pragmatic. That is why creative types tend to come from the Left. Right-wingers, by contrast, have real jobs."

Bilegrip's panel of experts gathered to earnestly discuss The Harridan's dilemma:

Tommy Pendejo: Why is this unevolved ratbag allowed to write in the national newspaper?

Benoît Balz: Because she's a lawyer who's married to a lawyer who's a millionaire who moonlights for the Howard Government. Big money protects her big mouth. A great example of someone with a "real job".

Olney Garkle: Hold on, boys, we're supposed to be discussing Janet's dilemma, which basically is this: Why are conservatives mostly devoid of a sense of humour?

BB: Well, she mentions Tim Blair and Imre Salusinszky.

TP: Yeah, and they're about as funny as a couple of stand-up comedians in a beer hall frequented by brown shirts, black shirts and whatever they call ASIO operatives.

BB: … The Howard Government's versions of Axis Sally and Tokyo Rose.

TP: According to Harold Hark Albrechtsen is their Axis Sally surrogate, while Blair gets to be Tokyo Rose. Hark says he even looks like her.

BB: I hear Rose died recently. Mourned, no doubt, by every spin doctor in the government's employ.

OG: Anyway, the point I'd like to make -- gak, my tea's gone cold. Why doesn't someone invent a portable, battery-operated microwave just big enough to warm up a cup of tea …

BB: … bonzer idea, mate, mine's as tepid as a passionate embrace 'twixt John and Janette.

TP: Sissies. Tea is for sissies. But hey, my cowboy coffee's colder'n shit.

BB: Sissies, eh? At least you can drink cold tea -- as long as you put milk and sugar in it -- but cold coffee?

TP: George Orwell woulda scoffed at a sissy brew like that.

BB: By the bloody way, where the hell are the scones?

OG: Shit, I forgot 'em.

BB: I'm starving!

OG: Can we just focus here?

TP: Forgetful arsehole.

OG: Since the Right has nothing on its plate but power and filthy lucre, a basically insectoid, grasping worldview, there is no possibility for humour. What's funny about starting wars for profit or repressing people who look and think different? What's funny about intentionally making life hard for people you don't like?

TP: Maybe conservative types are really aliens.

BB: Or the ancestors of Neanderthals.

TP: You ever see The Arrival with Charlie Sheen? The aliens were pushing global warming because they could only thrive in hot conditions. Meanwhile they were killing off the humans or turning them into their own kind. Which made sense -- human beings were not only a different species, but also a threat to the aliens' existence. Conservatives and reactionaries, on the other hand, actually get off destroying their own species. Weird.

BB: As Michael Veitch's bathing priest used to say, "I think there's something in that for all of us".

OG: Yep, life is cheap to the weird folk -- alien, Neanderthal or conservative -- who run the world. To them people are Hun fodder or consumers to be sacrificed for property grabs and profit.

BB: Sometimes I think Janet Albrechtsen is a lefty plant who writes outrageous crap just to see if the larvae will eat it up. Otherwise she can't be taken seriously.

TP: The funniest bitch in the alien camp.

OG: Well, that about sums it up. Janet's right about the Left when she says they're "romantics and dreamers". Let's face it, boys, the planet would still be on all fours without Lefties like us.

ALL: You can say that again, right on, bro, hip! hip! hoo-bloody-bleedin'-ray, etc.