Andrew Dyson reports: A screwdriver-wielding schoolboy last week publicly embraced the Prime Minister. This spontaneous act, which heralded the first flush of spring, did not provoke the joyful celebration it merited. Instead, we were glumly informed that had the lad been swarthier, he would have most likely been gunned down by security personnel. We also learned he had zero knowledge of Australian politics, a disclosure that prompted predictable elitist sneers about the true worth of a private school education.
Sadly, few found time to commend this most excellent youth's compassion and quick intelligence. Many have noted that the Prime Minister has of late been even more formidably energetic than usual. This is because he has been mistakenly retrofitted with a heavy-duty battery, of the type commonly used to power pink drumming rabbits, which allows him no rest. It took a mere schoolboy bystander to grasp what Mr Howard's overpaid senior consultants had overlooked -- the supercharged PM was in agony, and had to be unscrewed.
Noting the screwdriver he fortuitously held in his right hand, and filled with the zeal that motivated Simpson, Dunlop and other notable Australian altruists, the lad swung swiftly into action. Perhaps too swiftly, for in the heat of the moment he made one fatal, if forgiveable, error. Wrapping an arm around Mr Howard's shoulders to exert more leverage, he forced his flat-head screwdriver into the Phillips head screw that secures the PM's battery compartment, thus rendering the screwhead useless. This action made further running repairs impossible, and it now seems likely the PM will continue power-walking at warp speed until he expires, or implodes.
Though his actions have imperilled the nation's future, we need not be too harsh on this youngster. His patriotism was exemplary, his noble spirit willing, and his stunning lack of success was due merely to the poor quality of his education. Had he been enrolled at a reputable trade college, he would have known to first lubricate the PM's screw, then loosen it with an impact driver. It was his misfortune to be enrolled at a private school, where the inmates are taught how to screw others, not to unscrew them. He is not to blame. Cornered, by Andrew Dyson, The Age, 30 July 2006.
The event as reported in the press.
--TG Willikers
Seeing as the young, inexperienced private school educated boy is probably an expert on the subject, he would know all about things coming unscrewed. Thus he also understands the politics of Howard, political masturbation .... hence he would truly know that masturbation, political or otherwise, is coming unscrewed .... hence the screwdriver.
He was obviously trying to help our failure of a PM. Further, as a young person with relatively little knowledge of politics, the lad was at a greatly advanced level, politically speaking, in comparison to the habitual political masturbator of a PM. Mind you, in coming unscrewed, undoubtedly our excuse for a PM would far surpass the most ardent wanker.
Posted by Ugly on May 26, 2007