You've got to laugh at Abu Bakar Bashir's call for John Howard to convert to Islam. Not because it's the ludicrous suggestion of an intolerant old cleric whose ego has convinced him that he speaks for a conceptual entity he doesn't understand, but because John Howard would convert if it meant his political survival.

Is that stretching things? Perhaps. But Howard thinks nothing of changing Australian legal processes to placate Indonesia over the Papuan refugees. He is so used to bowing and scraping to the whims of the insane regime of George W. Bush, it's become second nature. Johnny thinks he's protecting Australia, but he's just responding to his quivering little anus as it anticipates the approaching bully.

Let's face it, beyond Howard's raison d'être, which is to straiten and punish, there is a non-core hollow at the centre of his being into which any expedient flipflop can be inserted. Moments later the new, improved policy position resonates within his callow heart as if it had always been a core belief.

We can relax for the moment. His supporters are still Christian swill. But if he lasts another few elections -- and it appears he can only be caned off stage by his own party -- Muslims just might become the majority. The man who easily converted from his Methodist origins to the more fashionable Anglican Church could then start shouting "Allah hu Akbar" as if he'd always meant it.

Maybe we should all convert to Islam now to see what happens.

-- Chet LaMerde