John Howard invites you and yours to join he and his for a night of taxpayer-funded revelry to celebrate ten years of successfully conning the Australian electorate. The final event in a three-day display of conservative triumphalism, the party will be held on 3 March in Melbourne at the Myer Family's Toorak mansion, Cranlana.

OK, you're not really invited, even though you've got three or four hundred thousand dollar cars in your driveway. But you can always crash the party. Just bring along your chequebook and offer to pay the $10,000 cover charge for a stool in the back. Promise you will only eat the leftovers with your own silver service and Reidel glasses. After all, the Liberal Party Fighting Fund needs all the cash it can get. Fighting democracy, the fair go, egalitarianism and peace in our time doesn't come cheap, so don't be a cheapskate. Ha-ha, just kidding. John knows that when it comes to forking out for The Cause, Liberal Party supporters are second to none.

Well, almost. You'll be competing with the crème de la crème of our esteemed business community, who, after all, are the only citizens that matter in Der John's Cowardly Old World.

Hob nob with Sol Trujillo, the Yankee Cowboy responsible for giving ongoing anxiety attacks to that other demographic that matters: shareholders.

Rub shoulders with Transurban's Kim Edwards and National Bank managing director John Stewart.

Other "dignitaries" on the roster include, Dame Elisabeth Murdoch, Linfox founder Lindsay Fox, Paul Little of Toll Holdings, Former CRA chief Rod Carnegie, Former Committee for Melbourne chairman Jack Smorgon, Village Roadshow's Rob Kirby, Coles Myer's John Fletcher (naturally, it's his house!), and BHP chairman Don Argus.

But all these good and upright folk are nought compared to representatives of investment bank JP Morgan, who will pay $50,000 for their seats. O' course JP Morgan has an interest here; they hope to garner the key selling role with the upcoming $20 billion sale of Telstra.

And don't forget, Peter Costello will be there as well as a few (or maybe less) Coalition MPs and ministers who can be counted on to keep their mouths shut. Danna Vale, the sycophant who once compared John Howard's visit to her electorate as being as exciting as a visit by Clint Eastwood, will be home knitting doilies on the night.

But wait, isn't Lleyton Hewitt invited? As soon as he gives up losing tennis matches, he'll be ripe for investing his absurdly gained millions in keeping the electorate ignorant for the next decade of Howard rule.

The day after will see Our PM launching a new book (published by the businessman's uni propaganda arm of choice, Melbourne University Press), entitled The Howard Factor: A decade that transformed the nation. Well, they got the title right.

If you're a Sydneysider, you'll get your chance on 2 March at the Westin Hotel. Sorry, but the kickoff gala will take place on 1 March in the Great Hall of federal parliament. That event is closed to all but some 600 Coalition politicians and business figures. Should be a tight fit. As for the prostitutes recruited from the nation's many poor Labor electorates, they will offer no seating problems as they will spend the evening on the floor between the legs of each citizen above suspicion. This looks to be the best of the nights for our power elite. The finest cuisine followed by Cuban cigars and cognac and blowjobs galore.

Links:
PM's 10-year bash a bonanza
Liberals' poster boy is staying for his party