In danger of losing his marbles since March 1996, Harold Hark retired from the worldwide descent into moral hebetude in early 2005. Notwithstanding a growing repertoire of facial tics and the paranoid certainty that everyone he met was a John Howard supporter, Hark enjoyed his solitude among the lilies that were not in the field that wasn't there.
And then one fateful day he entered the only shop in Australia whose regulation Teac mini sound system in the back corner was set to the ABC. (He actually heard some news instead of the medicated hilarity of Kyle and Jackie-O clones offered in every other shop in the land.) There he listened to Treasurer Peter Costello's confident assumption that workers would be more than happy to cash in their meal breaks to earn a few extra roubles, zlotys or rials, whichever currency was weakest on any given payday. At which time they would queue at the privatised foreign currency kiosks located at the exits of their workplaces where their third world pay could be exchanged for Australian dollars (conditions and fees applying). In this way would Australia's new breed of Enterprise Workers boost productivity and contribute to the booming sales of the nation's newest number one product: Victory Gin.
Hark's marbles clinked and clanked and clunked.
When Costello's suggestion was met with a nationwide chorus of Heil Howard's from the conservative commentariat, the Howard Jugend and all right-wing-thinking Australians, Hark's marbles went berserk.
The jig was definitely up. There was no longer a shred of doubt that the nation was being ruled by the clinically insane and supported by the stark raving mad.
Hark panicked. Fearing his immanent capture and personal vernichtung at the hands of one of Philip Ruddock's Einsatzgruppen, to wit, the surgical removal of his marbles by one of the many devotees of Beppo Mengele then flocking to John Howard's privatised health industry in hopes of experimenting on untermenschen such as himself, Hark boarded a Qantas flight to an unnamed destination in Europe.
He has promised to send periodic updates of his odyssean peregrinations to this blog. Stay tuned.
Hi
I dunno, I think that deep down the
EINSATZGRUPPEN are just regular guys,
and if you just suck it down fast,
the Victory Gin doesn't burn too bad.
Fact is, you just have to find relief
where you can in Ostrichlia these days.
We trust in the honesty of the very great
Emperor Judas Homunculus (it is not wise
to say otherwise)
As a lesson to the rest of us, the HOWARDLAND
MINISTRY OF LOVE just murdered a sick 80 year
old woman despite her pleas and her G.P.
warning that attempts to deport her would
be fatal. He clearly states the reason for
her death to be the actions of the Dept.
Glad that a flower grows from the smouldering
ashes of SCATT.
Posted by Maurie Gee on August 24, 2005
Long live the king. When I received an email intimating that there may in fact be life after SCATT, I was cheered.
The internet has been even more boring without your special brand of frenzied dissent. Alas, I would much rather receive an email informing me that Primate Howard has decided to do the right thing and brutally cut his own head off during question time, but you never know.
A solid clap on the shoulder Harold Hark, wherever you may be.
Keep up the good work and enjoy your well earned rest from the former greatest place on earth.
Posted by Christopher Watson on August 24, 2005
Don't tell anyone you mad fool. The less we know the better, we may be whisked off to camps in the desert at any minute and I for one can't handle torture.
I would reveal the whereabouts in an instant
Posted by Susanna on August 25, 2005
Hark escaped - just in time
I've heard of a Free Australia Brigade (FAB) being assembled in Europe
Say no more ;-)
Obligatory bit
Howard good - Hark bad
Sorry - torture sucks
- m
Posted by mick on August 27, 2005
Happy hunting in the happy hunting grounds.
Cheers, Maurice
Posted by Maurice on November 26, 2005